On Removing the Instagram App from my Phone Twice a Day and New Years Resolutions
We are almost halfway through January, and I feel like I never had the chance to bid 2019 a proper farewell. As the resolutions and recaps started to flow in at the end of 2019, I was focusing on keeping my head above water with an abundance of unexpected photoshoots for clients (all good), and family obligations (also good).
After a few days of taking in everyone else’s re-runs for 2019 and hopes for 2020, I was overwhelmed with guilt that I hadn’t carved out the time to create a public list of declarations and accomplishments to share with the internet, and anxiety when I realized that if I wanted to go to bed at a decent hour, that list wasn’t going to be made unless I chose to trade it for sleep.
Then I remembered one of the best tricks I learned in 2019.
Back in July, I started deleting the instagram app from my phone every day. Twice a day, actually. I’d download it in the morning and set a timer for 15 minutes before checking in, post a picture if I had one to share, respond to DMs and comments, comment on posts in my feed, and then delete the app until the evening when I’d do the same thing all over again.
Deleting the instagram app multiple times a day may seem dramatic, but I had gotten to the point where I would spend three hours a day on the app. Not a solid three hours, but three hours sprinkled over the course of the 14-16 I am awake every day. Scrolling while I was supposed to be working, peeking at the feed when I was playing with my daughter, checking for DMs while using the bathroom, absentmindedly pulling out my phone and clicking on the app while having conversations over the phone, sometimes even in person. Ain’t proud.
Mindless scrolling is problematic if basic manners and hygiene are values worth upholding, but that is really only half the battle for me. The uglier side of my addiction to instagram is the way I feel after almost constantly consuming everyone’s highlight, ads for fancy face oils and screenshots of the shitty news over the course of a day. I feel bad.
I work really hard, and I carry a lot, but I often feel like I can’t keep up with everyone else. That feeling is exacerbated the more time I spend on instagram. I also struggle with ADD, and the combination of assuming I am failing, being distracted, and spending more time looking at a predictable feed sprinkled with surprises I am never prepared for -- than quality time IRL, or even on the phone, leads to perception laced with loneliness and doubt. It hurts. It also takes time away from personal relationships that I value and affects my ability to maintain focus and finish tasks.
As a photographer, Instagram is an important aspect of my business, and it allows me to stay connected to people I care for that I would otherwise not see often, so finding a way to use the app that works for me (and my mental health) is really important.
When I started deleting the app back in July, I felt different immediately. Instead of consuming a little piece of everyone’s world first thing in the morning, I was getting out of bed and interacting with my house. With my family. It’s not that I wasn’t doing that before, but I can say for sure that I am more present when instagram is not on in the background. When was the last time you had a cup of coffee without your phone anywhere near?
After a week of only checking in on the gram twice a day, I felt completely different. I felt better. Deleting the app didn’t fix all of my problems, and regular therapy definitely is on a list of things I have to do in 2020, but I do know that eliminating the absentminded click to an app that can lead to a distracting rabbit hole / time suck / heavy emotional pit of self-doubt helped me tremendously. I had more clarity overall, and it felt good to be more present with my people and my surroundings.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but somewhere between September and December, Instagram wedged its way back into my all-day-every-day, and by the time the holidays rolled around, I had forgotten that not spending as much time on the app was still an option.
During the last few days of 2019, I remembered that pulling back from social media was totally still an option, and I immediately deleted the app and went back to checking in twice a day. The artificial pressure I was feeling to share my resolutions before the stroke of midnight on the 31st vanished. It was really nice to spend New Year’s Eve or New Year’s day not taking in what everyone else was doing to celebrate.
My niece stayed the night with us on NYE and we made a big batch of garlic ginger dumplings stuffed with mushroom, pecan & hemp seed to freeze for later (recipe coming soon, promise).
January 1 was gloomy outside, so I spent the first day of the year editing photos, doing laundry and playing with MJ. I mostly stayed off my phone, which gave me space to think about what I want 2020 to look like.
My friend Chelsea Francis, who runs a great project called pass/fail, chooses to pick a word that she wants to describe her year every year. I’m doing it too, and my word for 2020 is action.
Action will be all-encompassing, but I’d like to focus this word specifically on my career goals, and by making more time to volunteer (2020 elections are right around the corner and we need to get it together, y’all!).
I know it will be easier for me to take action if I can limit my time on social media so that when I am there I can spend my creative time & energy with intention.
I am also working with Amy Cooper, a consultant and accountability coach for photographers based here in Austin. In the first week of January, Amy helped me create a list of goals for 2020, and then tasked them out onto a glorious spreadsheet that will help me chip away at them every day that I am working this year. I am checking things off the list regularly, and we’ll meet once a month to make sure I am staying on track.
As for getting more involved before the 2020 elections, I am committed to volunteering to register people to vote in Travis County at least twice a month between now and November. If you see me, don’t be shy about asking if I am upholding this commitment -- I am saying it here to be held accountable.
Yes, now I am the one publicly declaring my goals for the year to the internet. But hey, it’s February now (mmhmm, started this blog post in January and now we’re here) and maybe there is someone out there who can use a reminder that “better late than never” is a perfectly acceptable way to approach growth. And, maybe think about exploring how you feel after intentionally limiting the time you spend on social media every day. Can’t hurt!
“Maybe there is someone out there who can use a reminder that “better late than never” is a perfectly acceptable way to approach growth. And, maybe think about exploring how you feel after intentionally limiting the time you spend on social media every day. Can’t hurt! ”
By now I am sure you are wondering how this relates to a picture of purple cabbage soup with dumplings at the top of this post. The good news here is that leaning into the word action in the kitchen means I am going to try and do a better job of writing about some of the things I make that make us happy at the table, instead of just thinking about one day writing about it. (Again, better late than never :) ).
I made this purple cabbage soup with miso and garlic on one of the first nights of the new year, photographed it and immediately wrote down the recipe. This is a new approach for me! I dig the recipe (and that I wrote down how I made it right away), and I hope you do, too.
This soup is vibrant and hearty, the perfect meal to get you through the week. It’s great on its own, and way better when you use it to simmer a few frozen dumplings, which will take on a subtle lavender hue from the purple cabbage broth.
Top it off with a few slices of pickled okra, some crispy shallots and plenty of chili oil.
